Yoga Newbie... Yewbie

Booooooo....ok that was lame...lol.
I'm new to yoga though, pretty much brand new. I don't know any of the words, and only a few of the poses. I've heard of downward dog, and the cobra pose. That is about the extent of my knowledge. But, I'm excited to learn. My body is very rigid and pretty much void of any flexibility. Hopefully in the next 21 days I can change that.

Today's yoga consisted of the classic sun salutation and then a nice shavasana. That shavasana or corpse pose is relaxing but, I find that my mind wants to wander around and it's hard to keep my focus on relaxing my body and my breathing. I'm sure this will come in time. Relaxing is actually very hard for me but the thing I think I'm going to find PRICELESS about yoga is it gives me permission to unwind, relax and really stretch out my body. Almost every other activity I do leaves me tense and tight. I think this is why so many people love Yoga.

I wanna get the lingo down too so over the next 21 days I'm going to learn one word a day. I'll post it here if you wanna learn with me.

Today's Secret word is asanas, special props to anyone who got the secret word reference...loved PeeWee's Playhouse back in the day...lol.

Anywho, asanas = yoga postures. I did several asanas today.

Feeling a bit inspired....and a poem emerges.



Meditation
deep, calming, quiet.
Restless thoughts
fluttering about the mind
are dismissed.
In silence
they are irrelevant
unnecessary.
Peace descends
softly
as a warm blanket
gently cuddling the soul
swaddling and healing it
as the moments pass.
Soon the soul will emerge,
rejuvenated,
ready for the day.


With letters,work, and this blog...I think I still might be shy of 800. Oh well, tomorrow is another day!
Tomorrow's plan is to run with forgiveness... allowing my body to dictate how far and how fast I go, do some yoga, eat well, and be kind to myself. (343)

Challenge..and Fear

Well I've stepped out into a scary new venture...at least for me. I joined Bindu's 21.5.800 challenge. This is scary for me and I'm not even sure why really. The challenge is 21 days of practicing yoga five days a week and writing at least 800 words a day. I've been getting into yoga as of late, and I also write letters, poems, comments in forums, and in this blog quite often. So, I'm not sure why this venture seems so scary to me...but it does, and fear is something that I've avoided all my life. I have a very small box that I live in, metaphorically speaking, due to my avoidance of fear. Being a stay at home mom a few years back started me down a path of Anthropophobia- Fear of people or society. I hate meeting new people...and social situations, parties, and get togethers...unless I know everyone that will be there. Sad, really sad. I guess I should clarify Hate... I get nervous to the point of shaking, feeling ill, cold sweats dizziness. I even experience this in leaving a comment in a forum or on a blog from time to time. Why, I don't know... Fear? fear of being made fun of, appearing stupid, being judged...maybe all of the above. What ever, Why ever...I don't like it. I have very few friends because of it... it's hard for me to open up and let down my guard. I think people sense this about me too. Maybe they wonder if they are doing something wrong...or offending me somehow. That's never the case. I'm actually a very easy going, silly goofball to those that know me...and that goof inside really wants to escape and be known. This year has really been a turning point for me. I've really been taking a hard look at me. I realized that the basis for a lot of the things I do is fear. For example, I have the chance to go to Virginia Beach the end of this month, my sis-in-law...I'll use nick-names (BaBa) is driving down there to visit my other sis-in-law (Meju). So I have a very cheap ride out there, just help with gas, and it's sandy beaches galore...woohoo...so what could be bad about that? Getting home, that's what! Baba is going to stay out there for 2 weeks, I cannot stay out there that long I can only have a handful of days and then I have to come back...finances and my job require me to come back. So I'll have to fly back. We can squeeze out the money for a plane ticket so that shouldn't be a problem. The only problem is me. I'll be alone, flying back, on a plane with lots of strangers, going to an airport with lots of strangers. Sitting next to people I don't know. Someone might talk to me, OMG what then. This whole plane thing is FREAKING me out. Almost enough for me to just say forget it. But, I could really use the vacation...chilling with my girls on the beach sounds FAB. I don't want FEAR to make me miss out on something that could be so rejuvenation for my soul! SO, in the true spirit of change...I'm going. I've requested the time off of work. They have -not officially, yet- okayed the time off. I've told people. I've worked into the budget, I've shopped for my dreaded plane ticket. Not one but two stops coz it's cheaper...more anxiety though. FEAR or no Fear...I'm doing this...I need too. Fear can't run my life forever. When I'm on my death bed I don't wanna look back and think about all the things I should have done. What a waste. This life is too short for me to waste it all on stupid fear. I'm not sure how this will go, but I do know...when it's all said and done...I'm sure I will have much to tell...lol.
Wow, that was quite the tangent...lol. I knew that the trip has been on my mind but I didn't realize I needed to write a book about it...lol. I guess maybe 800 words won't be so hard after all.

In case you were wondering...that was 721...lol. This plus the letter I just wrote Meju is definitely over 800.

A life full of changes...

So I've been cleaning up my lifestyle a bunch, I've gone to lean, mean, raw and green. I've started a veggie garden, been switching my foods to at least all natural and totally organic when I can. I'm trying to make all the meats I get grain fed, pasture raised and hormone free. I gave up Diet Coke and bottled water, I now drink my filtered water from a stainless steel water bottle. Take that carbon footprint! This all has happened since April! now that I look at it, that's a lot of change in such a short amount of time. I'm still learning all the time.
There have been some sad casualties along the way. Like just last week I gave up my FAVORITE skin lotion.

I totally LOVED OPI's Avojuice Grapefruit Juicie skin lotion. but when I looked it up on skin deeps website... it got the worst score ever! I might as well have been rubbing radioactive sludged on my skin...probably would have been better for me...and it'd have a nice glow...terrible aren't I...lol. So since it's so bad for me...and I now know just HOW BAD it is I had to go and switch my skin lotion. Ugh, and I hate that, coz I'm very picky about my lotion... I want to put it on and be done with it... I don't wanna be all sticky and gooey for hours after application, I don't wanna feel like I need a towel to wipe my hands after applying lotion. It should soak in to my horrible dry skin. So I went to harvest Health Foods and tried a bunch of different lotions . I love the fact that they have testers right there so you can try the stuff.
Final verdict: Giovanni Hydrate Body Lotion, Cucumber Song.

That was the bottle that came home with me. At $9.79 is wasn't horrible. the bottle is decently sized and it feels luxurious to put on. It doesn't soak in as fast as the Avojuice did but, after a few minutes, like less than 5 minutes, I'm ready to go. My skin is sooooo smooth after using this lotion that my husband even noticed and said, "man, your skin is smooth all of a sudden" That to me says something. After 15 years of watching me put on skin lotion he only now notices I have soft skin...men...lol. You can order it on amazon if you don't have a local health food store. I highly recommend it.

RIP Avojuice I loved you so...but you're no good for me. Sigh

Randomness

So I was puttering around the net looking for races near by...since my race in Virginia is going to be a no-go due to lack of fundage. Anywho, I found this cutie of a race, Bailey's Doggie Dash. How cute it's a 5K race that me and my pooch can do together.
It sounds like a lot of fun! I think I may just do this one...course I'll have to consult Mz. Bridgette and see if she has time in her busy schedule...lol.



In other news, the nice people at Endorphin Warrior are awarding one of EricaH's lucky readers with a chance to win a Training Tech Workout Hat of their choice.
To enter,visit EricaH's blog today!

The Plan

Well, I've picked up running AGAIN, it's a love/hate relationship. One of my problems has been pushing myself too hard. I expect unrealistic things from my body and then hate all over myself when I fail to achieve. That kinda pressure usually leads me to an open bag of cookies with a side of Häagen-Dazs...that's no good! So this time around, "the plan" is essentially No Plan. I had my sights set on the rock-n-roll half in VA but it looks like there won't be enough money for a trip out there, and school shopping for the kids, so I'll have to pass on the race again....GRRRRR. I will run that race one of these days!! But now I'm eyeballing something a bit closer to home...like in my home town. The Grand Rapids Marathon. It's in October so I have plenty of time. My regimen will include running 4 to 5 times a week and increasing the distance each week. My only expectation is going to be my body....if it tells me we can run more ...we will, if it says cool it I need rest, then I will rest. This should help me keep at it for the long hall. And as I go along ..... I'll pick up the Hal Higdon half marathon for a novice training plan, taking time, when needed, for my body to acclimate instead of pushing it to the brink. Small victories, instead of my do it or die trying mentality. I'm going to try to love running again...instead of feeling beaten by it.

Nothing more than feelings...

Well as you may have noticed..me and running haven't been getting along so well. Actually movement in general has been quite a core. I dunno what's happened to me, I'm burnt out I guess. It all just seems so hard...everything. :>/ Am I depressed or something? I don't think so I don't feel sad...more like uninspired. I haven't seen much in the way of weight loss...but that I suppose should be expected since I haven't been running...like at all.

Ya ever feel like your one kind of person on the inside you have thoughts and ideas about how you really are...but then try as you might you succumb to all your bad habits and wind up being this totally other person that you don't even really recognize...that's kinda where I'm at right now. On the inside I feel like I should be this, glowing, fit, yoga posing, ultra runner who eats clean organic food and feels fabulously zen all day long.

But on the outside people see me as an overweight, 30something mom, who as an obsession with reading health books and mags so that she can NEVER APPLY IT TO HER OWN LIFE. What good is all the knowledge if I never apply it. I have read countless books on healthy eating and nutrition...Most women my age are heading to the bookstore to buy fiction romance novels. You won't find me in that section, pretty much ever. I'm always elbows deep in a dozen different non-fiction self help books, mostly on healthy eating, well being, or exercise. I have to admit that I feel weird sometimes even standing in that section of the bookstore or library. Coz I hide the fact that I'm fat and have problems so well...lol. Standing in the self help section says I'm lost...taking 3 or 4 books with you says....I'm hopeless!! I guess maybe I feel like I can think or read my way to being fit. But, it hasn't worked so far.

I have a million excuses, for the world and for myself. I don't have time, I'm not talented at running some people are born to be runners...I'm not one of them. I even pull out the ole well it's just that I'm working so much... I have been working 56 hour weeks. But I've done that and ran as well. All those things are just cop-outs. But there is something definitely in the way of me morphing into the person that I feel like I am inside. I just, for the life of me, don't know what that thing is.

I'm a big fan of Biggest Loser and with every person it seems that they come to this point where they break down and cry, sometimes yell...and then they have this big epiphany and everything changes then all of a sudden they have drive and confidence. You can see it in their faces, there is focus there instead of defeat. I want that for myself. I catch a little bit of it from time to time...but it isn't lasting. I just don't know how to make it stick.

2010 Grand Rapids Kidney Walk

Another gray day in Michigan...about 65 degrees and no sun.
That's how the 2010 Grand Rapids Kidney Walk began.
This was my first time participating in the Kidney Walk. My family got together and formed Team Brent in honor of my brother-in-law. This is a pic of Team Brent...

the guy with the Blue and Yellow hair is Brent. He agree to color his hair all crazy if we made our $$ goal....lol.After battling with juvenile onset diabetes which claimed his eyesight, foot and kidneys we can proudly say that Brent is a transplant survivor of 4 years. Today was a good day for him and his spirits were high! He managed to walk just about 1 mile of the 2.70 mile course.

Part of the trail lead us along the Grand River which made for some nice pics and we got to see some wild life (turtles and ducks).

The other part of the trail took us along the highway where numerous cars and trucks honked in support. I haven't yet heard how many people walked...I read somewhere that last year they had 800 some people attend. I wonder if we beat that this year? There were a lot of people there.

At the end of the day our team was able to raise $2,158.15 for the National Kidney Foundation, and I got some much needed exercise in!
Below is a picture of my oldest son, my hubby and me.


Distance: 2.70miles
Time: 55:34
Pace: 20:33