Ahh, yes, about me. I've avoided writing anything here. I haven't really known that much about me. I haven't let myself really know me until this year.(2011) The basics are simple enough 35 years old, wife of 15 years and still going strong, mother to 3 children, one boy 14, one girl 9, and one boy age 7 with high functioning Aspergers Syndrome. It's easy to ignore who I am and just focus on them. This space, my blog, my running, was the guiding light to me knowing me. Initially it brought me to HATE, my own inward self loathing. My drive for perfection, my constant need to be better, never being enough, it caused me to stop running more times than I can count. During one of my long hiatus' I happened upon a few books on the matter, dealing with internalized parent issues and shame. And it was January 2011 that I realized how stunted I was really was. Living in the consciousness of a wounded child constantly being abused by and overactive internalized parent. The more connections I made, the more progress I achieved, the more free I became. My running has improved tremendously not so much in speed but in distance and in how I feel afterward. Instead of feeling worthless and slow and hateful. I'm now full of life and pride after a run. I work on setting achievable, reasonable goals. Goals based on me, here and now, not some idolized, perfected view of what I think I should be.
Then in March came this bookwhich touched my core so deeply that I share it with anyone who'll listen. With the wisdom in that book I was finally able to put all the pieces together and see how it all interplayed to my detriment. The emotional and verbal abused I suffered as a child (at school and at home) had changed me. It stop me from being who I was supposed to be and sent me down a very different path, a path that was leading me further and further from my true self.
That was March of this year, my 35th birthday. Since that time, another me is emerging, sometimes with overwhelming speed, my husband has admitted that at times he is amazed and astonished at the changes in me. He has been my sounding board through it all.
Who am I then you ask?
Well what I know so far,
I'm a vegetarian for a month and a half now,
I'm a beginning runner and I'm working on training for my first half marathon in September 2011.
I have a skin condition called Rosacea, and I can be ok with people knowing that.
I can go out in public without a ton of foundation on and the world won't end.
I'm ok just the way I am