So I'm trying to get ready for work tonight (3rd shift). I go to the cupboard to get a flavor packet for my water...Box is there...packets are all gone! Annoyed, I head to the living room to yell at kids for not only drinking all my flavor packets but also leaving the stupid box in the cupboard so I'll think we still have some. On the way to the living room, I trip over my daughters shoes which are naturally just laying right in the middle of the floor...Thank You! So I yell at the girl. Pick your shoes up and take them to your room...you don't just leave them laying about like that someone could trip over them and break their neck...is that what you want? On to the living room I go...Who drank all my flavor packets? I glance about at the sea of deer-in-the-headlights expressions, well I know it was a kid because daddy doesn't drink them and I wouldn't have put the box back empty when the trash can is 2 steps away. They are all quiet. Fine...thanks a lot guys. I finish getting ready, say bye to hubby, then I'm out the door. On the way to work, ROAD CONSTRUCTION, oh boy!! Out of the blue they decided to reduce a normal 4 lane highway down to 1 lane, on Saturday night so there is plenty of traffic....and of course there are the standard idiots that stay in the left lane until the last second, then hold up traffic as they try to butt in...HELLO...DID YOU NOT SEE THE LAST 5 GINORMOUS GLOWING ARROWS TELLING YOU TO MERGE RIGHT? No, No, that's ok...cut right in front of me that's fine, you are after all so much more important than me. JERK. Needless to say, after all that I arrived at work...LATE. I wasn't in trouble...but they did give me crap about it...the sarcastic crap...which actually helped me to feel a little better.
All that negative energy was building in me, and with each new thing the negativity grew it was like a snowball of hate. Laughing even about a small part of it helped me to breathe...and put it into perspective. Behold, the power of the mind!
That all led to thoughts on positivity. Glass half full, half empty...I think most of us have figured out where we stand on that one. I know for the biggest portion of my life I've been a half-empty person. I really wanna change that and tonight really kinda illustrated that for me. So in the slower times here at my job I've been checking out positivity. That brought me to the LIVESTRONG website. That talked alot about internal dialog. I know I have problems there. I'm very down on myself and sometimes just down right mean to myself. I think I'm weak, inconsistent, and unattractive, I'm repeatedly telling myself all the ways that I'm unacceptable. When I go out to perceive the world, I'm only looking for those things that support my view of being unacceptable. That's obvious, when you consider how lightly I take praise and how easily I can become destroyed by poorly fitting clothes, other people, or even my own reflection in a door or mirror.
So, by that logic simply changing the way I talk to myself I could start a positive change in my life. It would cause me to go out in the world and start to perceive things in a nicer way which should boost my self esteem and make me more positive.
I hesitate to call this brain washing, since that term has such a negative connotation. but this is in effect a sort of Brain-Cleansing. How I got such negative energy this evening is a mystery. But, by speaking to myself and out loud and not clearing that energy...I essentially gave it soil to grow in...you know what I mean?
So what do you think? Are you a Debbie Downer or a Suzie Sunshine?
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